Tuesday, May 11, 2010


its seems like i have been pointed in a definite direction by life today...
i have always had amazing data at my finger tips and have only done it no justice.
i am disappointed in myself for not allowing myself to reach my potential.
i am letting myself think i am too weak to take the steps.
i know, trust me i know i am capable of achieving all my goals.
i was so close to being where i wanted to be but i let something overcome me, myself.
this has been one of the most difficult things i have ever had to confront.

today i was reading sigmund freuds "the unconscious and civilization and its discontents" not because i chose to because trust me before reading this i would tell you i am no fan of psychoanalysis.
however after reading a part of it i can say that i can agree with some of his ideas that are virtually also some of the ideas that dianetics must have been founded on.
he writes about the unconscious, and contrasting it from being conscious which i have always understood as the reactive versus the analytical.
how in hypnosis a man can be put into a unconscious state and told that when he wakes up and the hypnotist touches his tie he will feel hot and take off his jacket.
this can be similar to when a person had an unconscious incident in their lives and a fit took place near them it is being recorded...than later in life when they feel like they are in a similar situation suddenly they do the dramatic reproduction of throwing the fit they once heard in while they were unconscious.
they could be unconscious for many different reasons, because they got hit by a baseball or because they chose to be.
they drank alcohol or smoke weed.
someone doesn’t have to be completely out of it to be considered unconscious.
every time you choose to drink and black out or don’t totally know whats going on is a honestly a risk. it’s a time where something that is occurring around you could be recorded and you could play it out later like an actor when something similar to the incident takes place.
your body is comprised of cells and cells record. everything that happens to you is recorded by your body whether you want it to or not.
this is a reason why weed cannot be legalized because not only is it an opportunity for the government to have tighter grip on the "high" society but also and a risk that you will regret later when you do something "that just isn’t you" because ITS NOT.
its not you it is someone else or something else that you are playing out. and i am not only talking about dramatic fits but also about things that stop you from being happy such as committing to someone you love because you are playing something your parents said to you when you were unconscious or something you heard when you were in an ambulance. this can be affecting you everyday and i am someone that knows that these commands can overcome you at the worst moments, and hold you back from true happiness. i am not saying blame your unconscious reactive mind for all your shortcomings because ultimately you can choose to lets this control you.
you have the ability to snap out of that place and say "wow that is NOT who i am" i am not the person that has a crying fit or gets nervous in front of crowds, and suddenly your not.
just be aware that as long as you allow more of these commands to be entered into your mind the more and more you will lose control and inevitably lose yourself.
don’t do drugs as a way to escape, live your life through everything (good/bad) and you will be a stronger happier more accomplished human being who can find the beauty in life rather than numb themselves which will ultimately result in an unhappy and depressed condition.

***things that helped me realize why this information can only help me and make me stronger are the shows dollhouse and house md which i watched on netflicks and hulu.

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